Caring for your physical, emotional, and mental health enables you to be a more present and supportive parent, without feeling overwhelmed. However, many parents continue to see their children through the lens of their childhood, expecting them to be the same person who once needed their constant guidance. The reality, though, is that adults, even those in their 20s or 30s, are in a process of continuing to learn, evolve, and mature. It is crucial for parents to understand that offering support is not the same as enabling, and it’s important to distinguish between helping your child and doing the work for them. As parents, we all want to help our children—whether they are toddlers, teenagers, or adults.
Supporting adult children without overstepping is an ongoing process that requires patience, self-reflection, and adaptability. By establishing clear boundaries, encouraging independence, and offering emotional support, parents can foster a healthy, mutually respectful relationship with their adult children. Remember, the goal is not to solve all their problems, but to empower them to navigate life’s challenges with confidence and resilience.
- These programmes offer a supportive, semi-independent setting where young adults can learn essential skills like budgeting, cooking, job readiness, and emotional regulation.
- Patience, empathy, and a willingness to adapt your strategies will be key elements in helping them navigate their difficulties and work towards a more positive future.
- This included sending at least five resumes weekly and cutting back on unnecessary expenses like takeout and streaming services.
- The five strategies below form the foundation of becoming that all-important calm, firm, and non-controlling emotion regulation coach for your struggling adult child.
- Mentors, whether found in professional networks, community organizations, or through personal connections, can offer valuable guidance and support.
They spend an average of $3,917 annually on their grandchildren, totaling $238 billion nationwide. The five strategies below form the foundation of becoming that all-important calm, firm, and non-controlling emotion regulation coach for your struggling adult child. Please consider the following suggestions as a supportive mindset versus a strict formula or script. I’ve mentally and emotionally struggled with the balance of wanting to give my son & his wife their space to create their own lives, with wanting to spend time with them or have them spend time with me. It’s gotten easier but at first it was difficult and I was jealous to be ‘displaced’ with helping him pick out, say, a new shirt vs. her. But we all get along well and she is family-oriented, so that helps.
Staying in Tune: Financial Compatibility in Relationships
One of the most empowering things you can do as a parent is clearly define what you will and will not do. You might be willing to help with job leads or emotional support but not comfortable covering rent every month. You should clearly communicate your boundaries to protect both your child’s growth and your own peace of mind. On airplanes, flight attendants instruct you to put on your own oxygen mask first, so you can take care of those dependent on you for help.
- Remember, every individual is unique, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach to supporting a struggling adult child.
- Identifying areas where support is needed, reaching out to trusted individuals, and being open to learning from diverse perspectives are essential steps.
- Through this process, Nathan began to understand the consequences of his overspending and started making more thoughtful financial decisions.
- We will discuss the challenges that adult children face, how to recognize enabling behaviors, and practical strategies to support your child without doing it for them.
This adult child began to feel part of a potential new community. She subsequently saw a recruiter and joined the army with a focus on training for a cybersecurity career. There is so much being written about generational trauma, passed down from parent to child. As we reflect on the traumas we inherited from our parents, we most likely attempt to do things differently with our children. But by the time grandchildren show up, we realize that was not so easy and can find ourselves feeling helpless and guilty. Ultimately, as a parent, your goal is to guide your adult child toward self-sufficiency, emotional maturity, and resilience.
I watch as the box slowly dissolves and disappears.” I think I will try that too. This approach helps your child develop critical thinking skills and learn to trust their own judgment. It also prevents you from feeling the burden of having to come up with all the answers. Adult children need to make their own choices, even if parents disagree with them.
Additional Tips for Parents
Olivia’s parents became aware of her struggling with a substance use addiction. They found that attending virtual and live meetings dealing with codependency helped them understand the nature of Olivia’s struggles. The knowledge they gained also reduced their misconceptions and contributed to creating a more supportive environment for Olivia to enter helpful treatment. By taking these steps, Liv learned how to negotiate with lenders and take control of her financial situation without relying solely on her parents for a bailout. When Liv reached out to her parents, Beth and Mike, they didn’t immediately jump in to cover her missed payments. Instead, they encouraged her to explore her options for dealing with the loan.
This allows both you and your child to thrive as individuals, rather than as co-dependent parties. While it’s tempting to provide financial assistance when your adult child is struggling, giving money or paying bills repeatedly may reinforce dependence. Set specific conditions—such as a timeline or requirements for the assistance—and stick to them. Encourage them to seek other resources, such as budgeting help, financial planning services, or job opportunities. If at all possible, avoid dipping into those funds to support your adult children.
Learning to communicate effectively, setting healthy boundaries, and practicing empathy can help navigate these challenges. Sometimes, seeking professional guidance, such as family therapy, can provide tools for resolving conflict and strengthening the relationship. In today’s complex world, many young adults face unprecedented challenges. From skyrocketing housing costs to a competitive job market and the pressures of social media, the path to adulthood seems more daunting than ever before.
Key points
Let them know that while you’re always there to cheer them on, you won’t be stepping in to solve every problem. When boundaries are rooted in love and respect, they promote growth. Henry had bailed Nathan out, paying off some of his debt and expecting him to learn from his mistakes. But this time, Henry knew that paying off Nathan’s debt again would only reinforce his reckless spending habits. Instead, Henry sat down with Nathan to create a budget and explore options for debt consolidation.
Laying the Groundwork: Setting Financial Boundaries
Elaine, for example, helped her 27-year-old daughter Emma to identify her strengths and capabilities, fostering a sense of empowerment. This involved setting small, achievable goals and celebrating her successes, no matter how minor. While researching the third edition of my book, 10 Days to a Less Defiant Child, I added scenarios with the struggles of adult children. I saw more than ever that stuck, frustrated parents of adult children need to transform themselves into empowering emotion regulation coaches. Healthy communication is key to any relationship, but it’s especially vital when it comes to setting boundaries. Encourage your child to communicate openly about their needs, but also make sure they respect your boundaries.
Resources Are Available for Advice
As your children grow into adulthood, they face new challenges that require different types of support. These challenges might include career struggles, relationship issues, financial difficulties, or mental Support for Adult Children health concerns; as well as substance abuse. While it is natural to want to provide help, adult children are typically at a stage where they need to develop their own coping skills, decision-making abilities, and resilience. We will discuss the challenges that adult children face, how to recognize enabling behaviors, and practical strategies to support your child without doing it for them. This balance is essential for both your child’s growth and your own peace of mind.
“Alex, how many times do I need to tell you that you should have gotten a job by now.”
Family and Hope Drive Survival, Finds World Suicide Prevention Day Survey
Still, one’s interest should be contemplative and, if possible, philanthropic, but not unduly emotional…. Becki Cohn-Vargas was thrilled when her daughter had a baby boy in 2020, but less thrilled when her daughter bought a large puppy. Cohn-Vargas offered to take care of her grandson and the puppy at her house, but the playful puppy scared her own older dog. Being emotionally available without being overbearing is a delicate balance. Learn to recognize destructive patterns and gain research-backed strategies to build stronger, more authentic connections. Learn research-backed ways to truly support and empower them through challenging emotional landscapes.